Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
