If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
