I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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