Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
