that's an acceptable place to lick
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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