After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
