kristin has been a bad kristin
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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