Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
