he shaved USA in his pubs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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