I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
