I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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