So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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