the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You were trust falling into bushes
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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