so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
