Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
