I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
