WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
