his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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