K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
