Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
