I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize