He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
