I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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