what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You are the jesus of drinking
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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