just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
