you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
