Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
