made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
this beer tastes like vomit already
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
