Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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