i already hear my dad disowning me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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