I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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