I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
