Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just found puke in my bra..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
