im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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