You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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