yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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