I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
