"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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