I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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