Can i not drive my cunt home
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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