Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
