Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
