Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
