He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
