take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
