Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
