**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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