Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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