you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
