that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
