Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
