the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
