as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
