"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
