I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
