He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
