You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
