I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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