hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
