are you so shy because you have an std?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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