I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
