i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
