seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
