Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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