I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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