so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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