I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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