So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I cannot find my penis.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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