i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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