I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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