just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
